"In spite of everything, I shall rise again" ~ Vincent van Gogh

My name change has been a recent thing. I wasn't going to go through with it at first, so for a while after getting rescued would just introduce myself by my birth name. My adopted family had met me under Jack though and refused to use my birth name - which was well and good with me. It became special, to have them call me Jack. As if I was somehow especially theirs now. However, it led to explanations whenever they called me Jack around people who only knew my birth name. (I am not going to use it here. I am giving it up so hard that I don't want it anywhere near this blog, I will explain why.)

I thought it would be kind of fun though, to explain the reasons and meaning behind my name change.

I didn't take the idea seriously until this resent year. Several things kept happening and I finally had the courage to break off ties with my dad. That gave me a sense of valiant courage, as well as the fact I had started to look into the name change process and saw that I could do it legally. I thought there had to be some reason behind it; something huge - marriage, the whole supposed gender thing. But no, anyone can if they so wish. And I had all my paperwork, my mom had had to send it to me before I had gone into the jungle. I could do it.

Also, I was becoming Catholic, and I wanted a saint name like my sisters. A well thought out name like theirs. There was no saint which shared my birth name. My middle name yes, Nicole is the girl version of Nicholas. I was pleased. Saint Nicholas, known as Father Christmas who gave gifts to children and had a temper and punched people. I liked him and wanted to keep Nicole. Besides that, Nicole was the only name of my original names I had ever liked.

My sisters and mom sat down one night and went over ideas. This was special for me. My dad had chosen my birth name. He told the story of why he had picked it, he had said he wanted his daughter to have a name no one could nickname. (Apparently one of his friends came to see everyone after my birth and just wanted to be a twerp so nicknamed me the moment he saw me. Maybe he gave me my spark of rebellion...)

But now, my family was going to give me a name which had a special meaning behind it. A brand new start. We knew it had to be something which could still let me keep my nickname Jack. At this point I have become Jack, so much so that only one sister cannot call me anything else - she calls me Jackie.

One sister looked up saints and found Saint Jacqueline. She read about her and started to giggle. Saint Jacqueline was a small woman who was feisty and tomboyish. She had married and had a couple sons. When her husband died she went to Saint Francis Assissi and asked to become a nun. (I forget exactly what happened, but I believe the story is he saw this small woman and realized she was just too ready to sit and have a fighting argument with someone than sit quietly or something.) He advised against it and said she should just go and raise her sons and live a life at home and care for those around her. The two became good friends, and Saint Francis gave her the nickname Brother Jacoba because she was just such a tomboy. (He also loved her little homemade cookies. On his deathbed he sent a message to her, asking she bring him some, but the messenger wasn't needed because she was already on her way.)

We had found my new first name.

The obvious choice for my last name was that of my new family. They all wanted me to have it. My mom had already claimed me as her own, to the point she would fight anyone who argued otherwise. However, we ran into a slight problem. Because of issues in their own family, they weren't certain how well it would go if I took their name. (No one wanted to add stress on stress.) But my mom wanted in some way for me to have some name of her's so she could prove to everyone I am her daughter.

In the end she gave me her maiden name. I cannot tell who is prouder, her or me, at me becoming a Mears. (This means she does, now more than ever, loudly claim I am her daughter, but I am never going to protest that.)

In April I was baptized Catholic. We had to put my birth name on the papers, but my priest also added my new name since it will soon be my legal name. (He was also very pleased I kept Nicole, since his first name is Nicholas and it means we have the same saint name.)

I can see how it would be special, having a parent put this much thought into their baby's name before they are born. But since I didn't get that, I find it extra special that my whole family got together and put this much thought into it because they decided I needed a a more thought out name than just one which couldn't be nicknamed.