"When I grow up I will be brave enough to fight the creatures...beneath the bed" ~ Matilda

The full line to the above title is "When I grow up

I will be brave enough to fight the creatures

That you have to fight beneath the bed

Each night to be a grown up."

Are you ready for this? I doubt it, but you are here so sit back and enjoy.

In which Jack shares thoughts of adulting.

I was urged to write this post today, while I was showering, because we all know the best thoughts come in the shower. Many an epic novel by many an author was written and forgotten in the shower.

As children we are told horror stories of adulthood, and even seen some of these horrors played out before us when we watch our exhausted parents head off to work five days a week. We are told - well, let's hope not all are told this - that the prime of life stops at 25 for girls (I think you fellas get to go to 30 but I could be wrong. Maybe you lose your prime before us, who am I to say?)

In short, outside voices like to crush the childhood allusion of adulthood. We start off thinking of adulthood with these wonderous thoughts of, "I am going to eat a tub of ice cream", "I will go to the park at sunset and play on the swings in the dark", "I will ride my bike across town and run barefoot all summer without someone saying, 'Hey! Put your shoes back on! You're going to cut your feet all up!'", and, the best one of all, "I WILL JUMP IN ALL THE PUDDLES AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME!"

Some adults don't like being adults. So they see us and go, "You know what, I am going to make them miserable about adulthood." So they begin to tell these horror stories. "You can't ever go barefoot. If you eat too much ice cream you'll get fat and you will NEVER lose that weight. Ever. You won't be able to play on the swings, because you'll get motion sick. And as for puddles, HA! You'll not want to because you will have to do your own laundry."

Then, they go deeper. They tell you of the misery of finding a job, and say you will hate your job. They talk about school degrees and school debt you can't ever escape. Oh, and house and car debt. They tell you that dressing up in any fashion is childish and the other adults will think you've lost your mind. And, the biggest falsehood of all, they tell you that you have to understand how adulthood works.

This is a proven fact, science backs it up, trust me.

Ready?

No one understands how adulthood works. If someone tells you they got it all together and are adulting in the adultest way to adult, they are A. Lying, or B. Enjoy doing taxes for fun, love leaving for work fifty minutes early because of traffic, and think the ideal vacation is sitting by a pool (not getting in the pool, because of the chlorine, but they don't dare go to the beach because ANIMALS are there. So they just sit in a lawn chair and stare at pool water.) (Side note, if said person falls under B you should run while you still can.)

For those of us who are not A or B I have good news. Your prime is not at 25 or 30, and all those adults who wanted to crush your dreams, they are likely Bs.

So let us begin.

The prime of life is an unknown age and different for each person. Since you don't know yours treat every age you have as the prime. And, in the words of a three-year-old I once nannied, go all out for your birthday. Eat that cake! And, as she said, tell yourself, "Good job for having so many birthdays!" You've earned it.

The only adults who judge you for puddle jumping are those who wish they were brave enough to join you. Doing your own laundry isn't horrible, in fact, it gives you a chance to rewear outfits! I know, right? You can wear something at the start of the week and again at the end and no one has to know it hasn't been washed yet.

Weight loss isn't impossible, but don't let it consume you. Those cranky adults beat weight loss like a dead horse. Keep healthy, and enjoy that tub of ice cream from time to time.

Fact, no one knows how to do taxes so don't feel bad. Teachers left it out of school because they also don't know. It is a lost art form, or maybe it never was a form of any kind.

Going barefoot is fine. Wearing shoes is fine. If anyone tells you otherwise you can now use the powerful words.

Ready for them?

When you are told to dress a certain way or have your hair in a certain style, you now have the power we didn't have as kids. The power is, "I'm an adult."

Amazing, right?

To conclude, I will simply say, enjoy adulting. You earned it. You deserve it. And listen to "When I Grow Up," from the Matilda musical when you need a boast.

~Jack