“He found himself wondering at times, especially in the autumn, about the wild lands" ~ Tolkien

I go back and forth being content with life as it is currently and being stressed and wondering how I can handle so much change. So far 2020 has seen me loosing my job as a nanny, getting hired as an Archaeologist but being on hold until lockdown is over, getting baptized Catholic, legally changing my name, accepting my house as officially mine and making it look like mine, embracing all of my oddities, and the newest - getting a retail job while I wait for the Archaeology to open. It is a lot to handle for someone who needs a lot of time - about a year - to adjust to just one huge life change.

Today was my first day at my new retail job. I struggled - with retail in general added with my PTSD triggering of the mask. I came home to my pets, turned on the faery lights and lit my lantern, and turned on a record while I ate. After my long day at my new job I find my house peaceful, quiet, and welcoming - not to mention I now have Jenni curled up beside me.

And yet, I somehow feel okay at the same time. I like my new coworkers and I was very brave and introduced myself under my real name - even if I did stutter while doing so since they only new me under my still legal name and I had to explain that it is in the process of changing over. It is odd being called Jackie or Jaqueline, but somehow feels so much more natural than my legal name ever felt.

I have all my windows open because there has been a lovely Autumn breeze since yesterday which stirs my wind chimes. Cornflower, one of my pet mice, is climbing over the roof of her cage because she refuses to accept she has to live in it for her own safety and is ever looking to chew her way to freedom. Angelina, the other mouse, sometimes joins her but is usually more content in their borrowed den, sleeping. Oz and Alice, the birds, have stopped their daylight squawking and are snuggled together as if they always get along and never yell at each other. And Mickey, the fish...is hanging out in his plants as he so loves to do. I find something comforting in my pets, something soothing about having someone depend on me to keep them alive and happy.

I love moments like this, even though the chill Autumn breeze makes me want to toss on my cloak and seek out a quest of some sort. I wonder how I am suppose to mix the two, and often think I am more a Hobbit than of the human race. I love home but if a quest were offered me by some random wizard I would not turn it down. Maybe that is why I love writing most in Autumn and Winter. Something of the cold stirs me, awakening something wild and free in me.

I sound very unsuited to be a retail worker, but we all do what we must. And I must work at Petco until I am presented with a quest.